Side Effects of Asgard Technology
by Nazmuko
Summary: You know those fics where Sam gets pregnant and runs away without telling Jack? This isn't one of those. The Asgard healing pod has some unpredictable side effects after Antarctica and we find out just how badly Loki wanted his hands on Jack's genes. Humor/Family
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: **All recognizable characters and settings are property of their lawful owners. This story is written for entertainment purposes only and no profit is made. No copyright infringement intended.

**Summary:** You know those fics where Sam gets pregnant and runs away without telling Jack? This isn't one of those. The Asgard healing pod has some unpredictable side effects after Antarctica and we find out just how badly Loki wanted his hands on Jack's genes. Humor/Family

**Timeline:** Season 8

**Pairing:** Sam/Jack, though most of it is UST (Sam/Pete mentioned)

**Spoilers:** Specific mentions of events throughout season 8

**Length:** 7 chapters + an epilogue, about 11-12k in total

**Update speed:** You know me. This was supposed to be a silly side project and all chapters are written but if things go as usual, my perfectionist side will kick in and rewrite them. I'm hoping to post daily but we shall see.

**Archive:** Not without author's permission. NOT EVEN FOR PERSONAL USE. I don't want unsupervised copies of my stories floating around so send me a PM if you want to download or add this to archives anywhere else.

**A/N: **I know someone who strongly dislikes "Sam gets pregnant and runs away without telling Jack" fics. I personally find it hilarious when people hate certain story types with passion so... being the horrible person I am, I promised to write a fic where _Jack_ gets pregnant and runs away without telling Sam about the kid. You've gotta love the scifi genre and all the possibilities, right?

This story has some deeper, more emotional moments later on but it shouldn't be taken too seriously.

I completely butchered the canon timeline of season 8 for this story to make space for my little addition but I've tried to keep the mentions vague. So you _won't_ find long copy-past dialogues from episodes but there are a couple of lines here and there.

Oh, and the cover image is from Covenant (08x08) and I laughed for an hour when I first paused my DVD to that spot so... I had to use it.

Enjoy! And I apologize.

* * *

**CHAPTER 1**

"Thor, buddy!"

"O'Neill," the gray alien greeted with a nod.

"Could you beam up the chocolate ice cream, too?" Jack asked and shoved the huge spoonful to his mouth. He had just lowered the pint on the coffee table when Thor decided to beam him up.

Thor blinked once, tilted his head to the side a little and looked at Jack for a few seconds before he manipulated the controls and the treat showed up on the floor in front of Jack.

"_Now_ we can talk," he announced and took another spoonful. "Why did you need me here?"

"Have you noticed anything unusual about yourself lately, O'Neill?"

"Like sudden cravings for all things chocolate? Yes. Also, I've lost my charming six pack somewhere along the way but then again, it's not all that surprising now that I don't run away from deadly aliens anymore. Unless you count sparring with Teal'c which, in all honesty, _should _count because he _is_ deadly and an alien."

"Other than cravings and weight gain, have you noticed any other symptoms?"

"_Symptoms?_"

Thor didn't say anything, only stared at him, waiting for a reply.

"Thor, what's wrong with me?"

"I believe you are pregnant, O'Neill."

"Nope, I'm pretty sure that's the one thing that _can't_ be wrong with me."

"When I revived you after the stasis, there was an anomaly in the readings but it appeared insignificant then. I did, however, continue researching and came across Loki's notes."

"Now that's a name I was hoping I'd never have to hear again. I thought he was locked up somewhere."

"He is. But I believe he had a secondary plan in case the cloning process did not work."

"And this secondary plan includes..."

"Producing a genetic offspring for you, O'Neill."

"Ah, a kid."

"I believe that he ignored a few limitations in his haste to put the plan into action."

"Yeah, like ninety-nine percent of the reproduction section in the biology book!" Jack snapped. "I'm _not_ pregnant, Thor."

"He produced an artificial womb for the embryo and implanted it in your stomach cavity. The cells were in dormant state and the embryo was only supposed to start growing if Loki chose so. I believe, however, that using the healing pod to resurrect you after stasis might have activated the growth of the embryo."

"I repeat: I. Am. Not. Pregnant." Jack did, however, look a little pale and his words didn't come out quite as firm as before. Coming from Thor, the whole explanation kinda made sense. In an evil alien scientist kinda way but still. He just hoped that Thor was wrong.

"There are ways to confirm my suspicion. Would you like me to perform a scan?"

"Like an ultrasound?"

"I believe the process is somewhat similar, yes."

"Sure, why not."

Jack got settled on his back on the hard table and Thor took his place at the control panel.

"Uh, do you need me to lift my shirt or something?"

"No need, O'Neill."

He was just about to ask where the screen was when a hologram of... well, something, appeared in air a few inches over his midsection.

"Whoa!" Jack yelped and the thing seemed to flinch. "Is that..."

Thor manipulated the controls and the image turned a little, revealing a fetus in a slightly flickering, red-ish tinted 3D picture. Or more like video because they could see its every movement.

"That is your child, O'Neill."

"You mean _that_ is in my stomach right now?" No wonder his pants had felt a little tight lately.

"Yes. The hologram is a life-size representation of your child."

"You sure it's mine? It looks more like an Asgard to me," he mumbled and reached his hand towards the picture, only to have his hand go right through it. The baby was sucking its thumb, eyes closed, looking very... focused on the task.

"All vitals confirm that it is your offspring, O'Neill."

"What about the other half of its genes? Wait, can you tell if it's a boy or a girl?"

"The offspring is female, O'Neill. And it appears that Loki used Colonel Carter's eggs to produce her. It is well known that she is more intelligent than most humans."

"No arguments about that," Jack mumbled and rubbed his temples. "So what you're telling me is that I'm pregnant with Carter's daughter."

Blink. "Yes."

"Great," Jack sighed. "Just great..."

"Would you wish me to remove the fetus?"

"You can do that?"

"Yes. I will simply beam out the fetus and all the artificial parts that surround it. Would you wish me to proceed?"

"Ah, let's not hurry, OK? I'm not gonna get rid of Carter's kid without asking her." That was one conversation he definitely wasn't looking forward to.

"Understood."

"Look... Is the kid fine? I mean... Obviously my body wasn't designed for this. And I was just possessed by Anubis the other week, that surely can't be healthy for a kid."

"She appears perfectly healthy. I believe she is slightly smaller than average human children at this stage but that is probably Loki's way to ensure none of your organs are damaged during the process."

"So... The kid can grow there all the way to, you know, _birth_?" Jack wondered how that would work.

"Yes."

"Without causing troubles for either one of us?"

"I believe so, O'Neill. However, I would like to stay in orbit and observe. And, of course, you will require assistance in delivering the baby."

"You can beam her out at that point? Without harming her?"

"Yes."

"Cool."

* * *

**A/N:** Let me know if you're with me. I'll try to push the chapters out at high speed because I have other projects to attend to but please leave a review. They really do keep me going.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: **All recognizable characters and settings are property of their lawful owners. This story is written for entertainment purposes only and no profit is made. No copyright infringement intended.

**Archive:** Not without author's permission. NOT EVEN FOR PERSONAL USE. I don't want unsupervised copies of my stories floating around so send me a PM if you want to download or add this to archives anywhere else.

**A/N:** Thank you for the reviews and follows!

I truly wish you guys would read the Author's Notes and other info in the beginning.

This chapter should give you a pretty clear idea what this story is about, in case you skipped the info in chapter 1.

I hope you enjoy!

* * *

**CHAPTER 2**

"Crap," was the first thing Jack said when he was beamed back to his living room. Then he realized his ice cream was left behind. "Double crap."

"OK, O'Neill..." he mumbled as he made his way to the couch and slumped down. "Think."

His head felt completely empty, not a single reasonable thought in there, just... blank. Then he realized that the little shrimp-looking thumb-sucker in his tummy was basically a mini-Carter and he couldn't get rid of it, no matter how convenient it would have been. That didn't really _solve_ the problem, more like created a ton of new ones.

Suddenly the ice cream appeared on the coffee table. Apparently the Asgard weren't too fond of sweet treats.

"Right," he sighed and reached to pick it up. "Let's start with that and work our way up from there."

* * *

"Have you informed Colonel Carter of the fetus?" Thor asked when Jack was lying on his back on the cold table again. He was pretty sure it wasn't a medical examination table, it was probably just meant for building doohickeys or something. Jack was starting to suspect that he wouldn't even need to lie down for Thor to get his readings, the little alien was probably doing it just because he knew it would annoy Jack to stay still.

"Nope," he quipped and moved his hands behind his head when they, once again, tried to cross on his abdomen. "Still waiting for the right moment."

It was surprisingly difficult to find a moment when you could just pop into a woman's lab and say _By the way, I'm pregnant with your baby and I'm going to keep it. You've got about_- How long did they have again?

"Thor, how far along am I?"

"I believe in Earth terms you would be on week eighteen."

Considering the normal length of pregnancy is forty, that meant they'd have about... twenty-two weeks to get used to the idea. So yeah. _Hi, Carter. You're gonna be a mommy in twenty-two weeks. Get used to the idea. __Actually he had been practicing in front of the mirror but none of his ideas felt good enough for the real situation._

And of course there was that boyfriend of hers. The humworthy Petey-boy. Oh, wouldn't that be just dandy. Jack briefly wondered which one of them would get the weekends, him or Carter and Pete.

"Do you wish me to inform Colonel Carter of your pregnancy and the events behind it?" Thor kindly suggested.

"No. You're not gonna say a word to Carter without my permission. If you do, I will deny you access to this genetically superior offspring of mine."

They had discussed it earlier, how Loki's plan did have a merit in the _saving the Asgard race_ front despite the fact that the Asgard high council didn't agree to his means to reach it. But since the child already existed, Jack had promised that Thor could gather data and perform tests, within reason, to see if the child's genetics could really offer a solution to their problem.

"As you wish, O'Neill," Thor agreed with a little nod. "However, I believe Colonel Carter will be most upset if you keep this information from her a lot longer."

As a matter of fact, Jack was playing with the idea of not telling her at all. He knew it was mainly the pregnancy hormones talking, maternal instincts kicking in and all that, but he just didn't want to be separated from the kid, not even for a few days. He wasn't willing to share the custody and the thought of letting that stalker cop anywhere near his kid, even every other weekend, made him feel sick.

"Can you beam me a pint of chocolate ice cream from the freezer?" he asked Thor because he could really use something to calm the sudden wave of anxiety.

"Sugary treats are not good for the child, O'Neill."

"Well, neither are emotional meltdowns and either one of those two is going to happen any moment now."

A pint of ice cream materialized on his stomach, right where the hologram of his daughter was slowly turning around. "Bad aim, buddy," Jack mumbled under his breath, upset to see objects moving through his child, even if it was just the holographic version of her. "You wouldn't happen to have a spoon, would you?" he asked out loud.

When Thor simply kept playing with his control table, Jack pulled out a pocket knife, cut a slice of ice cream and skewered it on the blade before he brought it to his mouth. Yeah, feeling a lot better already. He heaved a sigh and relaxed again. They'd be just fine, he and his daughter. With or without Carter.

* * *

"I felt that," Jack mumbled and rubbed his tummy. The kid was big enough that he could feel her movements now and she had been doing gymnastics all day. Sometimes he feared that someone would notice but his loose clothes probably hid any subtle movement on his abdomen.

"Sir?" Sam asked and turned to look at him from where she was sitting on the floor in front of Daniel's arm chair. Teal'c didn't have a lot of furniture in his new apartment yet but they had chosen it as their gathering place for the night anyway.

"Nothing," he said and tried to smile at her. It had been too long since last team night. Things hadn't been the same since Sam started dating that cop. Or maybe it was just Jack reflecting his own emotions on the situation. But Teal'c had just survived a hellish experience being stuck in a virtual reality which literally killed him in _real_ world so it definitely called for a team night.

Jack wished he had been able to focus on his friends but he found his thoughts wandering, unconsciously looking for a good moment to tell Carter the news. He still didn't like about the idea but he had decided that she had the right to know.

"Are you certain, sir?" Sam asked, sounding concerned.

"Yeah. I'm fine." He gave them a reassuring smile and took a sip of his soda. Beer tasted like shit nowadays, not that he'd have it on purpose anyway, but a time or two he had opened a bottle by sheer habit and abandoned the idea after first sip. It was probably one of Loki's safety measures. Thank God the Asgard didn't block chocolate from his diet.

"You have been distracted all evening," Daniel joined in.

"Teal'c," Jack pleaded, asking for help.

"I believe O'Neill does not wish to discuss what is bothering him."

Uh, right... That meant that even Teal'c could see something was bothering him. Jack had been waiting for something like _O'Neill does not appear distracted to me_ but nope, not this time. The effect, however, was what he wanted and Daniel shut up.

* * *

Jack rapped his knuckles against the metal wall a couple of times, not a knock really, just something he did unconsciously while he went through his plan one more time.

He had an excuse ready, two of them actually. He would ask about her report, then reveal that as a joke and ask what was bothering her. She'd been off lately, enough that even _he_ had noticed which told a lot considering how much was going on in his own head with the new job and the baby on the way. She was probably just worried about her abilities as a team leader and he could reassure her once again that she was doing great and then they'd be fine. And _then_ he could blurt out the fact that he was five and a half months pregnant with her baby. Yup. Great plan. He mentally patted himself on the shoulder, made sure he had a wide smile on his face and stepped into her lab.

"Carter."

"Sir."

"I never thought I'd hear myself utter these words. I need that report."

He followed his plan and it was going just _fine_ until it turned out that Carter's problem wasn't related to work, _at all_.

A nice ring, Jack thought to himself as he snapped the box shut. Not Carter's style at all, but a nice ring in general.

"What about kids?" she asked.

He answered with a "What about 'em?" and was honestly curious to hear her thoughts about the subject.

"Do I take maternity leave and then come back? Do I drop the baby off at daycare on my way to some unexplored planet on the edge of the crab nebula?"

Was there a way to say _That's what I'm planning to do_ without giving away the fact that he was pregnant with her kid? Jack settled for something more vague about the base personnel in general but she still didn't seem too excited about the idea. Jack could feel the scale tilting more and more to the _Never gonna tell her_ side but he decided to wait and see whether she'd accept the ring or not. It seemed to be more cold feet than deep doubts, though, and he started to mentally prepare for the life of a single dad. He was gonna need one hell of a cover story.

* * *

**A/N:** Thank you for reading! Reviews are appreciated!


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: **All recognizable characters and settings are property of their lawful owners. This story is written for entertainment purposes only and no profit is made. No copyright infringement intended.

**A/N:** Thank you for the reviews and follows!

A little warning that most of this story is about Jack so for those of you waiting for fluffy Sam/Jack moments, this is the wrong story. There will be a happy ending for our favorite couple, though, that much I can reveal. (Eek! A spoiler!)

* * *

**CHAPTER 3**

"Thor, I need options," Jack said as soon as the light of the transport beam faded.

"What do you mean, O'Neill?"

"I'm not gonna tell Carter."

"May I ask why?"

"She's gonna marry that cop of hers. She has her life all figured out and I'm not going to ruin it. Well be fine, the kid and I." And he had Daniel and Teal'c... Cassie would love to babysit. And he was planning to involve Carter in the kid's life, too, just not as a mother.

"So you do not wish me to abort the pregnancy?"

"No! God, no." Jack's legs went weak at the mention of abortion and he had to lean against the doohickey table to stay standing.

"Then what do you mean by options?"

"I need options how to hide the pregnancy from them. I'm starting to show and I still have three months left. They'll notice something is off."

"What do you wish me to do?"

"I don't know," Jack sighed and ran his hand through his hair. "Say you need me on a mission and then beam me to some deserted planet somewhere? Put me in the healing pod of yours and speed up the process so that the kid is born in a week?"

Thor blinked twice and the look on his face seemed almost...

"Thor, are you _excited?_" Jack asked when the alien started to play with his computer again.

"I can not speed up the development process of your offspring, O'Neill."

"But?"

"I believe I could create a time dilation field where you could wait for the child's birth in solitude without anyone noticing your disappearance."

"A time, _dilation_, field," Jack said, putting emphasis on each single word. "Haven't we had enough trouble with those already?"

"The field itself has caused no problems, O'Neill. It has been the subjects placed inside the field."

Well yeah, he was right. So far it had been the replicators that caused the problems and he was pretty sure Thor wouldn't let any of those inside the field this time.

"How big a field are you thinking?"

"I can adjust each parameter to your needs. Perhaps the size of your house?"

"No, people walk by, someone might try knocking on the door, someone would notice. Hey!"

"O'Neill?"

"Can you make it the size of a small lake?"

"I believe so, yes. But I will require more specific measurements."

Jack explained his plan about staying at his cabin. If the time dilation field stretched around the lake so that he could go hiking and swimming instead of just sitting inside, he might stay sane through a few months of solitude. Thor zoomed in on the map on his screen and Jack showed him the location of his cabin and made his suggestion about the limits of the time dilation field and Thor agreed that it would be doable.

"Great! When can I move in?"

"I will need two hours to make the modifications to the machine."

"Ah, no rush. I'm gonna need a few weeks anyway, to gather supplies and make a nice little cover story. How long will I be gone? In this time?"

"As long as you wish. I can modify the device to whichever speeding rate you require."

"Can you squeeze the rest of the pregnancy to, let's say three days? I could take a long weekend off."

"Yes."

* * *

"My name is Samantha Carter," the woman on the MALP feed said and the kid kicked Jack hard. He struggled not to let the wince show on his face.

"Alright, we've got a little conflict with that statement. We've already got one here."

"There are two of us."

Now _that_ was a nice little visual he would have to save away for later, more private moments.

"If only," he said out loud which earned a glare from Carter.

The kid kept up the kicking marathon as Carter talked with the replicator version of herself. The baby was starting to recognize people's voices and though she mainly reacted to Jack speaking, he had noticed that the second strongest kicks came in presence of Carter. He hoped it was just the kid reading into his own reactions instead of some automatic mommy-recognition system because that would cause problems later. Anyway, now the kid was going crazy because she was hearing her second most favorite person in stereo.

Jack wished there was a way to let the kid know that the other version was evil and there was no reason to get excited about that. Except maybe for Carter because she seemed pretty excited. The best he could do was rest his hand on the slight bump and wish very hard that the kid would calm down.

* * *

It was difficult to prepare for a baby when he couldn't let anyone know he was preparing for a baby. His cover story was still missing details but the base of the whole thing was that he suddenly suddenly became a guardian to the girl so Jack couldn't start piling things at his home before she was born. He drove to Denver one day and bought a small amount of clothes, diapers, bottles and everything he remembered needing with a newborn, and made Thor beam those straight to his cabin as soon as he had packed them in his car.

Jack cleaned his whole house just to have an excuse to empty the office. He invited the whole team to help because he wasn't supposed to do any heavy lifting anymore. He complained about sore back and made Daniel and Teal'c carry all the old drawers and bookshelves to the garage. He kept the pizza and drinks coming so nobody seemed too upset about the fact that he wasn't doing much himself.

"What are you planning to do with this room, sir?" Carter asked and wiped some sweat from her forehead.

"I was thinking to make it a home gym."

"A gym?" Daniel asked, surprised.

"Yeah, you know... An exercise bike there, a TV here, shelf for all my Simpsons DVDs... Time flies by if you've got something good to watch."

"Why don't you just use the gym at the mountain, Jack?"

"People get very awkward when a general walks to the gym, Daniel."

"Right... I didn't think of that."

"I will gladly spar with you, O'Neill," Teal'c offered.

"Ah, thanks. But I think I've been so lazy lately that I need a little exercise before I'm up to your workouts, Teal'c."

"As you wish, O'Neill."

* * *

"We have a problem, kid," Jack sighed and slumped down on the couch. "And I say _we_ because _I_ have a problem but it's _your_ fault."

He stared at the standard combat boots that were lying on the floor in front of him, then at the clock on the wall that was slowly ticking towards the time of his first briefing. He'd be late soon.

"Nope," he finally sighed. "Can't figure out how to get those on."

Well he had already managed to get them on his feet once, but he had no way of tying the laces anymore because the kid was getting on the way and he just wasn't flexible enough to lift his feet on his lap. The baby bump wasn't too big yet, it was just... firm. Thor explained that his discomfort had something to do with the fact that he wasn't supposed to get pregnant.

"OK," Jack sighed and ran his hand through his hair. "Think, O'Neill."

He got lots of funny looks when he walked through the corridors towards his office but none of the airmen dared to comment. First one brave enough was Carter, who was waiting outside his office to turn in a report.

"Flip-flops, sir?"

"It was this or bunny slippers, Carter. Sore back, couldn't tie the laces this morning."

"Have you been to the infirmary about that back, sir?"

"It's under control. It just needs some time." About... Three months or so.

"Yes, sir. If there's anything I can do, just let me know."

He stared at her for a moment, seriously considering to blurt out the truth just so he could guilt her into tying his shoes and massaging his back and-

"Actually, you wouldn't happen to have any chocolate, would you?"

"Chocolate?"

"Yep. This seems like a crappy day so far. I figured chocolate would make it better. My stash is empty."

"I'll see what I can do, sir."

"Thanks, Carter."

* * *

"I have to leave for a few days," Jack informed his team on the lunch break, the friday after they helped him clean his home office.

"What's wrong, Jack?" Daniel asked right away.

"Family crises," Jack said, suddenly feeling emotional. That was not a lie, really. He _was_ having bit of a crises about the fact that he'd be alone for the next few months and then he'd come back with a family. That equals as family crises, right?

"Sir?" Carter asked and he could hear a whole bunch of questions and thoughts in that one word. _I didn't know you had family_ being the biggest one of them.

In the end it was Daniel, though, who voiced the question out loud. "You have family?"

"Yeah, I didn't know either," he grunted. "Look, I'm in a hurry so I'll explain when I come back, OK? I don't know the whole story yet."

"Let us know if we can be of assistance, O'Neill," Teal'c offered.

Jack got the impression that the big guy could see through him and knew something was up but he was grateful that he didn't say it out loud.

"I will. Thanks, T."

* * *

"Right, then..." Jack mumbled and looked around in the living room of his cabin. Thor had been beaming things there for weeks and the place was slightly chaotic. "Three months of solitude."

He might just end up losing his mind, he feared. But then again, he had Thor to keep him company. And of course he could always leave the time dilation field, he'd just risk revealing the pregnancy to others then.

"Let's start with your crib, huh?" he mumbled and tore apart the packet.

* * *

**A/N: **Thank you for reading!


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: **All recognizable characters and settings are property of their lawful owners. This story is written for entertainment purposes only and no profit is made. No copyright infringement intended.

**A/N:** A big THANK YOU to all my readers! I'm especially loving the "I don't usually read/like stories like this but..." -reviews. :D I get weird satisfaction when I know I made people step outside their comfort zone and they like it there.

I'm going away for a few days so there might be delays with the next couple of chapters. But you shouldn't have to wait longer than two days between chapters.

Oh, and many of you have commented about how calmly Jack is taking this all. I'm sure he has been panicked and freaked out but I decided not to write those moments.  
I had several options how to write this story and I decided on the light and almost surreal way. I'm cutting corners a lot with this one and I know it.

I could have written a serious, thoughtful story where Jack makes peace with the memory of Charlie and decides he's ready to be a father again. But I felt like the mpreg fic was not the right place for that because the basic idea is so far outside the box that it's hard to take seriously.

So... This story is a light, slightly ridiculous one that doesn't aim to be moving or deeply analytical, its main purpose is to entertain.

* * *

**CHAPTER 4**

Jack stood in front of the mirror, shirtless, loose sweatpants hanging low on his hips. Yep, he definitely looked pregnant, stretch marks and all. Luckily he hand't grown breasts. That was something. He pushed his hand on the left side of the bump and a small foot pushed back.

"You hungry?" he asked and the kid gave him a couple of good kicks in response.

"I take that as a yes."

It had been pain to organize enough healthy food for the stay but having a little gray alien in orbit with beaming technology helped a lot. Since outside he'd be gone only a few days, Jack bought tons of fresh fruits and vegetables home and Thor beamed him a bag every five days or so in his time.

It was day nineteen now and so far Jack was doing fine. Biggest problem was his shifting center of gravity which left him feeling unstable on his feet. Sleeping on his back was off limits, his back and feet were sore and his bad knee was throbbing because of the gained weight but it was still bearable. He spent a lot of time swimming in the lake because in the water he didn't need to worry about tripping like he did on the trail that went around the lake.

Thor gave him a device that allowed him to beam himself up to the ship immediately in case of emergency so that made him feel a little better. They also kept up with the weekly check-ups but other than that he was alone. Or, well, with the kid.

"I'm surprised how much I'm enjoying your company," Jack said out loud as he made his way to the kitchen. The kid recognized his voice and reacted to a lot of things with kicks and shoves. Jack had already started to train the kid's taste of quality TV and watched a couple of episodes of The Simpsons every day after dinner.

The kid always got excited about the theme music and then calmed down, like she was concentrating on the show but probably she was just sleeping. Jack cataloged that information away for later use.

* * *

One downside about the local time dilation field was that it didn't affect the rotation of the planet so he was stuck with the day-night cycle of the rest of the planet. Except that for him it meant two weeks of daytime, followed by a week long night. It was boring, even more so than usually, because he couldn't go outside for the fear of tripping in the dark. One can only watch the Simpsons DVDs through so many times before even they become boring.

Another problem was that the temperature dropped at night. Jack hadn't really thought of that because usually he was under the blankets for that six to eight hours when it was too cold to walk around shirtless but now it was six _days_ and he couldn't stay in bed all day, especially because his bladder seemed to be the size of a grape nowadays.

"Alright," he sighed and digged through the pile of clothes he had packed. He had grown out of his usual shirts already which said a lot because he usually bought them a size or two bigger than he needed. Finally he across the oversized T-shirts he had bought before he left. Three for ten bucks or some similar deal, so he wasn't expecting too much from them but they would hopefully keep him warm and look better than a toga like attire created from an old sheet, which was his option number two.

"A little on the plain side," Jack thought out loud when he stood in front of the mirror. The T-shirt was a little too short, forcing Jack to pull his sweatpants over the bump instead of shoving them underneath it like he had been doing so far. "But warm," he agreed. "Is talking to yourself the first sign of going insane?" he thought out loud and smoothed the shirt over his bump. His bellybutton had popped from innie to outie and was now clearly visible through the T-shirt.

"You know what, kid... I think this needs some decorating."

He took the second, identical T-shirt and spread it on the table, then started to go through the cabinets to find something he could use to decorate it.

"Oh, well," he finally gave in after an hour of searching. "Duct tape it is."

He cut pieces of the tape and split them in half, then started arranging the strips into the form of letters. A few hours later he was watching TV again, proudly wearing his new masterpiece. "BABY ON BOARD" it said with crude looking duct tape letters.

"You know what's saddest about this solitude thing, kid?" he asked and took a sip from his water bottle. "There's no one here to laugh at my great jokes."

* * *

Eventually even arts and crafts weren't enough to keep Jack entertained and finally he got desperate and beamed himself up to Thor's ship. It was halfway through the first "night", meaning third day of nothing but darkness around the cabin.

"O'Neill," Thor greeted and Jack wondered if the alien ever slept because no matter when he beamed up, he was always on the bridge. But then he remembered that for Thor it had only been a couple of hours since Jack last visited.

"Thor," he said with a little nod.

"Is all well?"

"Can you find Carter for me?" The more he thought about it, the better the idea seemed. Find Carter, tell her everything and guilt her into massaging his sore feet for the rest of the pregnancy so he wouldn't need to be miserable alone. Great plan! Why the heck had he kept the whole thing a secret in the first place?

"She is on P3X-522 with SG-1."

"She's off-world?"

Blink, blink. "Yes. I have observed their schedule in case you wanted to talk to her. Would you wish me to contact SGC?"

"Ah, nope... Let's not... Make this official."

"It will take us two days to reach the planet on ship. Do you require any supplies before we leave?"

Jack heaved a sigh and made his way to the window, watching the Earth underneath them.

"O'Neill?"

"Just... Forget it," he sighed. "I just had a weak moment there."

"If you wish to inform her about the child, I have no objections to retriving Colonel Carter."

"I know that, Thor. But I don't really want to tell her. I was just feeling lonely and miserable."

"Is there anything I can do to make your stay easier, O'Neill?"

He flashed a boyish grin at the gray alien. "You any good at foot massages, Thor?"

* * *

One good thing about the slowed down daily cycle was that sunrises seemed to last forever. Jack had been sitting on the porch for hours already, watching the colorful play on the sky. He was sipping a cup of tea and nibbling at the colorful cubes Thor had given him. The Asgard equivalent of pregnancy vitamins, he figured. After eight months he still hadn't gotten used to the stuff. It's not that they tasted bad, they just didn't have a taste at all, except for a little chemical aftertaste that lingered for hours. Bit like when you accidentally breath exhaust fumes when a car or a bus speeds away right in front of you.

He leaned back on his chair and put his hand on his stomach. The kid kicked back right away.

"I think you need a name," he said and got a swift kick in response. "Any ideas?" Surprisingly there was no movement. "Alright, how about I'll start listing options and you let me know if I find something you like, huh?"

"Caitlin?" Nothing.

"Jessica?"

"Mary?"

"Emily?" Jack felt slight movement. "You like that, huh? Emily. Can I call you Em?" the kid kicked him hard enough that Jack suspected he'd get a bruise.

"Right, then. Em it is. How do you feel about Janet for a middle name?" There was a gentle kick on the other side of the bump, or maybe it was a punch this time.

"Yeah..." he sighed. "I miss her her, too."

* * *

**A/N:** Thank you for reading!

And that T-shirt was all your fault, mmkbrook! I might have to add that "Bun in the oven" one to the next chapter.


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: **All recognizable characters and settings are property of their lawful owners. This story is written for entertainment purposes only and no profit is made. No copyright infringement intended.

**A/N: **Thank you for reviews and follows!

And I apologize for the wait, real life got in the way. Plus I'm in the process of trying to rewrite chapters 6 & 7 a little to make them even slightly more believable. (Especially 7 needs tons of work.)

Oh, and I realized I forgot to add my usual warning in the first chapter so here it goes: English is still not my first language and I don't trust people enough to use a beta. Any and all mistakes are mine. Please point out if you find big and/or repeating errors with grammar/spelling/vocabulary.

* * *

**CHAPTER 5**

"Crap," Jack finally sighed when he had tried to get up from the couch, unsuccessfully, at least seven times. He briefly considered dropping onto his knees on the floor, and hopefully climbing on his feet from there but he wasn't sure if he could manage that without harming the kid or himself. In the end he just reached for the Asgard communication stone and beamed himself up to the ship.

The gray alien towered over him as Jack lay on his side on the hard floor.

"Is all well, O'Neill?"

"Is it possible that you could, you know, turn me into a nice little pile of atoms with that beaming thing and then put them together ninety degrees that way? So that I end up on my feet, huh?"

"Of course."

"Great! Could you do that? I can't get up and I need to pee."

It seemed almost like Thor heaved a sigh as he made his way behind the control panel again. A few seconds later Jack was struggling to find his balance in standing position.

"Whoa! That felt weird."

* * *

"Daddy is sleeping," Jack groaned. "This is not playtime, Em." It was four in the morning and he hadn't managed to sleep all night. He was wondering if Thor could beam a soccer ball inside the uterus because his kidneys didn't like the role of playthings. There wasn't much space to move around in his uterus anymore so the kicks always landed in the same place. Jack wondered if he could get bruises on his internal organs. Probably. At least that's what it felt like.

In the end he decided to just get up and get started with his day. He took a shower and got dressed in his sweatpants. He didn't bother with a shirt because it was warm enough to survive without.

After a quick breakfast Jack decided to check in with Thor for his weekly check-up.

"You are early," Thor commented.

"Em kept me awake and I got bored."

"Em?"

"Ah, yeah. I named the kid. Emily, Em. Emily Janet O'Neill is the full name."

For a moment Thor looked like he'd make a comment about Carter, probably about how she should have a say in naming their kid, but he decided against it in the end.

"I see," the gray alien said instead and gestured for Jack to lie down on what had become their examination table but what Jack still called _doohickey table_ in his head.

"What is it?" Jack asked when Thor had spent a lot longer than usual checking the readings. "Is she alright?"

"Your daughter is in excellent health, O'Neill. As a matter of fact she appears ready to be born."

"Really? But still have a few weeks to go."

"As I have suspected earlier, it is possible that Loki made some slight modifications to ensure the fetus does not grow too large."

"So you could beam her out right now and she'd be fine?"

"Yes. All her organs and systems are fully developed. She is small but perfectly healthy and there is no reason why she could not leave the uterus right now."

"Uh... right. Just, beam me down for a moment and I'll gather some things."

This is it, Jack realized. His daughter would be born in just a few hours if not sooner. _Am I ready for this?_ He asked himself but realized he didn't really have an option. He quickly gathered some clothes, diapers, formula and a bottle, a lot like the bag they had packed for hospital when Sara was pregnant with Charlie, he remembered, but pushed the wave of sadness away. There would be time for that later.

When he got back on the ship, Thor had gotten another doohickey table next to the one where he usually lay down. This one was smaller, though, and there was a soft pillow on top of it.

"Are you ready, O'Neill?" Thor asked when he had settled down on his back.

"Yeah," he sighed and turned to look at the smaller table.

"I need you to stay very still, O'Neill. I will beam all the artificial organs out as well. Do not be afraid."

"Why would I be af-" Jack started but pursed his mouth shut when a weird-looking lump suddenly appeared on the pillow and the pressure inside his stomach was gone. Thor performed a cesarean on the womb, using some kind of laser looking knife, and the amniotic fluid gushed out. The pillow seemed kind of useless at that point but it had been a nice thought.

Emily let out a loud wail as soon as she was free of the confining tissues.

"Thor, can I move?"

"Of course, O'Neill."

He quickly sat up on the side of the table and stroked his daughter's cheek. It seemed to calm the girl because she stopped screaming after a few seconds and leaned into his touch.

"It's a tradition that the father cuts the umbilical cord," he told Thor who blinked twice before he offered the laser knife to the new dad.

Few moments later, when Emily had been cleaned up a little, Jack was lying on his back, his new-born daughter on his bare chest. He was still trying to process the fact that the kid who had been inside him fifteen minutes earlier was now there, yawning against his skin. There was a pink blanket covering her but she was naked against him, skin against skin, and Jack couldn't stop staring at her.

"You're perfect," he mumbled and leaned in to kiss the top of her head that was covered with a fine layer of blond hair. She had her eyes closed, her tiny hands curled in fists that were tucked under her chest. Her little mouth kept making smacking sounds every now and then. "Just perfect."

The girl seemed exhausted though the birth experience was nowhere near as hard as normally.

"She is small," Thor commented out of the blue and Jack raised his eyebrows.

"Yeah, that's what you've been telling me for months now. Small for her age but perfectly healthy."

"I am surprised to notice it is different to look at the statistics and to see your offspring in person, O'Neill."

"Em," he corrected. "Her name is Em." There was no way she would be called _offspring_ for the rest of her life. Though Offspring O'Neill kinda had a ring to it, he had to admit.

"Would you mind if I examine young Emily now?"

"Yeah, sure."

Jack slowly sat up, pulled away the blanket and offered the sleeping baby to Thor. For a long time the alien simply stood and stared at the tiny, naked human being in his arms, blinking slowly every now and then.

"She is miraculous," the gray alien finally stated and Jack had to chuckle out loud.

"That she is," he agreed and decided that Thor would get the honor of being the kid's first godparent.

* * *

Em only weighed about six pounds and she was small enough that Jack could carry her around on his arm, her head resting on his palm and her legs swinging on both sides of his elbow.

"When you're older, this will be your room," he explained at the end of his cabin tour. "But for now, I'm not going to let you out of my sight."

The girl smacked her lips a couple of times.

"You hungry? Let's get you a bottle. And then I think it's Simpsons time."

Halfway through the episode the girl was asleep and Jack was nodding off as well. They were lying on the couch, the girl asleep on his chest again. He probably should have moved her to the cot but he really didn't want to let go of her.

"You're precious," he whispered and stroked her back. He wondered how long they could stay at the cabin. Not long, probably. They'd have to get back to reality soon.

Jack had played with several cover stories but in the end he decided to go for the simplest one, that he had slept with Emily's Mom once or they had a brief affair. She hadn't realized she was pregnant until it was too late to do anything about it. She never wanted kids and finally contacted Jack to ask if he'd want the kid or if she should give it up for adoption. He was hoping, however, that he wouldn't need to tell that story. Hopefully it would be enough to say something vague about how the Mom isn't part of the picture and having a kid wasn't part of her plan.

Jack really hadn't looked into daycare options as closely as he probably should have. He was hoping to get a couple of days off work to sort out everything once he got back to Springs. He knew his neighbor loved kids and often took care of her grandchildren so he could probably ask her to help every now and then. And hey, Thor seemed pretty smitten with the kid, maybe he could babysit, too.

* * *

**A/N:** So yes, Jack didn't tell Sam before the kid was born. I hope you'll understand my reasons after the next couple of chapters. Or you'll just hate me forever, the chances are probably 50-50.

I might not be able to get next chapter out tomorrow (needs bit rewriting and I'm busy busy today and most of tomorrow) but you should get an update on Thursday (UTC+2).


	6. Chapter 6

** Disclaimer: **All recognizable characters and settings are property of their lawful owners. This story is written for entertainment purposes only and no profit is made. No copyright infringement intended.

**A/N: **Thank you for the reviews!

Real life is kinda kicking me in the head right now (Christmas is not my favorite time of the year) so daily updates might not happen. I'm still hoping to finish this before Christmas, though.

I've reached the point in publishing a story where I'm starting to doubt my original idea and desperately trying to modify it. I rewrote this chapter and the next one about 7 times before I allowed myself to admit that I still liked the first version the best, flawed as it might be.

This chapter has longer pieces of dialogue from Threads and Moebius. I found the transcripts on Gateworld so a big thank you to them. Let me know if the copy-paste sections are too long.

Edit 12/20/2013: A kind reader pointed out that I mixed up Emily's name once. I'm writing two fics at the same time, both have a baby girl and I guess I picked too similar names because I keep mixing them as I write. I'll run a "search and replace" before updating from now on. Thank you!

* * *

**CHAPTER 6  
**

"O'Neill," Jack answered his phone, already annoyed.

He had just gotten home from work and picked up Emily from his neighbor. Jack had called the President and informed him that he had become a father but so far that was about all he had done about sorting the situation, work had been too hectic and those few days off just hadn't happened. He was looking forward to a quiet evening with the girl, maybe searching online for possible daycare centers. Mrs Stewart had been a lifesavior so far but she was just a temporary solution.

"You are required on a mission, sir. ASAP."

"Of course I am..." Jack groaned. "I'll be there as soon as I can." Ever since SG-1 had left to get Maybourne to safety, Jack had had a bad feeling that they'd request his presence at some point.

He flipped the phone shut and looked down at Emily who was cooing and smiling at him.

"Looks like our quality time gets cut short once again," he sighed and picked her up. "I need to to tell them about you. Maybe I'd be eligible for a maternity leave. At the very least it should make them call me less often. And I might get to take you with me to the mountain. Not that I want you there. Too many things go wrong on regular basis. But it _is_ Thursday and Mrs Stewart just informed me that she's not available for babysitting on Thursdays so... Where am I gonna put you, girl?"

His neighbor had poker night with her friends on Thursday nights and Jack had been informed that if he didn't want the girl to learn bad habits, he shouldn't bring her over after six on Thursdays.

Emily seemed to shrug and Jack blew a raspberry on her tummy before he got her dressed. He packed a diaper bag with everything the kid might need, took Thor's communication stone and beamed himself up to his ship.

"Thor, buddy. I need you to babysit while I go save Maybourne's- bum." Or shoot him. Because obviously the guy didn't know what was best for him and Jack wasn't in the mood to negotiate with him.

"I do not believe I can offer adequate care for young Emily, O'Neill."

"You'll do fine! Next time she starts crying, it's probably hunger so warm up a bottle, I packed several of those. I'm sure you have some kind of microwave system here. And if she's not hungry, she needs a new diaper. And if that doesn't help either, she probably just needs a little cuddling."

Thor kept looking at Jack, blinking slowly. "Cuddling?"

He gave Emily to Thor and the alien automatically cradled the girl against his chest.

"Just like that. You'll do great! I have to go. Can you beam me back? I think it's better if I drive to base."

Thor awkwardly balanced the baby on one arm while he handled the controls on the other. Jack briefly wondered if the alien's tiny arms were strong enough to hold her weight or if they would just snap broken.

"I'll pick her up as soon as I can," Jack promised.

Wives, Jack shook his head as he made his way down the ramp after mission. Mayborne had managed to get not one but _several _women. But then again, several wives meant several mother-in-laws. He hoped the ladies were making his life miserable.

Jack got checked at the infirmary and then made his way to his office. As soon as he closed the door, he found himself surrounded by bright light and then he was standing at Thor's bridge again.

"Your offspring is most loud and smells unpleasant," the alien informed curtly and Jack had to chuckle at the disgusted look on his face.

"What's with the mess?" he asked, looking around the bridge that was covered in milk splatters.

"I believe I misunderstood your mention of microwaves. The container exploded. Your daughter is unharmed and I managed to create sufficient nutrition for her."

Emily seemed to grimace a little and Jack wondered if Thor had dissolved those horrible nutrition cubes to water or something.

"What about you, Thor?"

"I believe I will retire to a short recess in the healing pod as soon as you leave." His hand hovered over the button, expecting for Jack to pick up Emily and the diaper bag.

"Right," Jack agreed and gathered everything.

* * *

"Hi, sir." The greeting took Jack by surprise. He was cooking lunch in the backyard, lost in thought, and hadn't heard her car.

"Carter!"

"Look, I-I'm sorry to bother you at home like this, but, uh..."

"How'd you know I was here?" Jack glanced towards the open door. Emily was sleeping inside and he really hoped the girl wouldn't wake up now. He hadn't told anyone about having a kid yet and he sure didn't want to tell _now_, when Carter was standing on his backyard, babbling, obviously trying to get something important out of her mouth.

"I saw the smoke."

"Oh, yeah."

"Look, is this, is this OK? I mean, I could have called first, but..."

"No... yeah... I mean, it's fine. So, um, what brings you to this neck of the woods on such a fine day in my back yard?"

"Well, actually, I've, um..." Sam stopped to clear her throat. "I've been sitting in your driveway for the last ten minutes trying to work up the nerve to come and talk to you. The truth is, I've been trying to work up the nerve for a lot longer than that."

"Oh?"

She explained how Pete had bought them a house and Jack had no idea what she expected him to say so he plastered a big smile on his face and congratulated her. And then she confessed she had second thoughts about the wedding.

"Why?" he asked though he wasn't sure if he wanted to know.

"See, the... the thing is, the closer it gets, the more I get the feeling that... I'm making a big, huge, mistake."

Jack stared at her, trying to figure out what she wanted him to do, and then glanced at the doorway again, hoping, _praying_ that Emily would sleep through the whole conversation.

"Look, Carter, the... I don't know what..."

"Look, I'm sorry to bother you with this, but, uh... see, there's actually a very good reason that I'm bothering you with this, and if I don't tell you now, I might never..."

And of course Emily chose that _exact _moment to to wake up and start screaming. Jack grimaced a little.

"Uh, sorry about that..." he mumbled, turned off the gas for the barbecue and made his way inside. He picked up Emily and stepped out again, bouncing the girl lightly to make her calm down. She seemed curious about Sam, staring at her with a little smile on her face, reaching out towards her.

"Are you babysitting, sir?"

"Ah, nope. She's mine."

"She is? Oh... And who's... the mother?"

Jack opened his mouth to blurt out the cover story, at least the simplified version of it, but found out that he simply _couldn't_ stand in front of Sam, holding _her_ daughter, and talk about having a fling with some chick in another town.

He swallowed and looked at Emily's smiling face before he turned to speak to Sam again.

"It's a long story," he managed to say. "I promise you'll hear it one day. What were you about to say?"

"Ah, it's... not that important." She forced a little smile on her lips and he felt bad because he had a hunch what she had been trying to tell. Before he had time to comment, Sam's cell phone rang.

"Colonel Carter."

The expression on her face changed to an alarmed one.

"What? When? OK, I'm on my way." She hung up. "I gotta go. Uh, it's my dad."

Jack was left standing on the deck with Emily, watching as Carter hurried away and then started speeding towards the mountain. Emily started crying as soon as Sam was out of her sight.

"That was your mommy," he whispered and kissed the top of Emily's head. "But I'm pretty sure you know that already."

He tried to get the girl to calm down but nothing seemed to help.

"I think we should head out, too," Jack mumbled and placed a kiss on Emily's forehead. "You get to hang out with uncle Thor again. And who knows, maybe you'll meet Grandpa Jacob, huh?"

Maybe Thor could whip up a nice little hologram of Sam to calm the girl while Jack figured out what was wrong with Jacob.

* * *

"Look, Jake..." Jack started and sat down next to his bed. "There's something I feel like I should tell you, something I haven't told even Sam yet."

"That you're in love with my daughter?"

"Well I wasn't going to tell _that_ but now that you mentioned it, I'm not going to deny it."

"Then what is it? What could be so important that you want to come confess it to me on my deathbed?"

Jacob was dying, and Jack had decided he had the right to know he had a granddaughter. He was going to tell Sam, too, as soon as he got the chance. But it wasn't as time sensitive as informing Dad.

"Do you remember Loki?" Jack asked.

"The Asgard who cloned you?"

"Yes," he nodded, then glanced up to make sure the observation room was empty. "Turns out he had a backup plan. He took my sperm and the eggs of the smartest woman on the planet and decided to make what Thor calls a _genetic offspring _of mine."

"So you're telling me that somewhere out there in an Asgard laboratory there are embryos that are made of your and Sam's cells?"

"Ah, see... Here comes the big confession part." Jack took the communication stone from his pocket and told Thor to go ahead. Emily appeared on the floor next to him in her safety seat. "Meet your granddaughter," Jack introduced as he unbuckled the girl and lifted her up. Em was looking curiously at the fragile man lying in the hospital bed.

"You're telling me that... _What_ exactly are you telling me, Jack?"

"I gave birth to her a couple of weeks ago. Asgard style caesarian in case you're interested. Turns out Loki skipped a couple of pages on the biology book."

"And Sam doesn't know?" Jacob asked as he extended his arms towards Jack, wanting to pick up the girl.

"No," Jack shook his head and placed the girl in her grandfather's arms. "Well she has seen the kid but she doesn't know it's hers. I was just about to tell her about the pregnancy when she announced she had gotten engaged."

"All the more reason to tell her," Jacob said and glared at him.

"So she can call off the wedding just to make an honest man out of me?"

"You and I both know it would be a lot more than that, Jack. Promise me you'll tell her."

Yeah, he had come to realize that, too, when she showed up in his back yard, babbling about having doubts about the wedding. And if that wasn't enough of a clue, the devastated look on her face when she found out he had a child pretty much broke his heart.

"I promise. I can tell her right now if you want." It didn't feel like the right moment in his opinion but if Jake wanted to spend his last moments surrounded with family, he would risk everything to give him that. He'd grown fond of the man over the years.

"No," Jacob said, much to Jack's surprise. "She's gonna have more than enough on her mind with me dying. Just promise me you'll tell before the wedding. So she knows all the facts before she makes a big decision."

Jack found it almost funny how Jacob seemed to know Sam was having doubts. The wedding was in a few weeks, most people would have thought the decision had been made a long time ago.

"I will."

"Good. What's her name?"

"Emily. Emily Janet O'Neill."

"My Mother's name was Emily."

"I didn't know that," Jack admitted.

"Well now you do. She's beautiful. Just like her mother."

"Yes, she is," Jack sighed.

"Promise me you'll take good care of them, Jack," Jacob said, all serious. "Both of them."

"I will."

"And thank you, for telling me."

"No problem. And if you want to see her again, just let me know. Thor is on babysitting duty today so transportation is not a problem."

"Ah, the kid has even the commander of Asgard High Council wrapped around her finger?"

"Yep. But come on, look at her. She's pretty hard to resist."

* * *

"Apparently nothing we did affected the timeline," Carter said when they had finished watching a very confusing video tape from a couple of thousand years ago.

"But we didn't do anything," Jack argued.

"Not yet. Apparently we were going to, two weeks from now, but now we don't have to," she explained.

"Excellent! That's it! I like it!"

"OK, I'm gonna get this up to the lab for analysis," Carter said and reached for the ZPM.

"No! I'll take it," Jack said quickly and grabbed the box. "There's a whole room full of geeks up there just dyin' to get their hands on this. You've got packin' to do!"

Jack had invited them all to the cabin and for the first time, Carter actually said yes. They deserved a little time off after the craziness of the last few weeks and Jack was planning to tell the truth about Emily as soon as he got some time alone with Carter at the cabin.

* * *

**A/N:** Thank you for reading! I wrote several versions of this chapter where Sam learns the truth at the same time with Jacob but I wanted to follow the canon timeline and reasoning about Sam calling off the wedding.


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: **All recognizable characters and settings are property of their lawful owners. This story is written for entertainment purposes only and no profit is made. No copyright infringement intended.

**A/N:** Thank you so much for your kind words. I don't know why I'm always so scared of sharing my stories. You guys are always so nice and supporting.

* * *

**CHAPTER 7**

"I kinda wondered where she went," Jack said, trying to hide how panicked he had been to wake up and find Emily gone.

"I'm sorry, sir," Sam said and smiled, adjusting the bottle a little. "I went to the bathroom and heard her whimpering. I thought I'd let you sleep." She was standing by the kitchen window, watching out to the lake, feeding Emily like it was the most natural thing to do. Jack's original plan had been that he sleeps on the couch and Carter gets the master bedroom while Daniel and Teal'c share the guest room, but Sam had insisted that it was easier if Jack and Emily slept in the big bedroom and she took the couch instead.

"Nah, it's OK." He tried to rub the sleep from his eyes. "My kid."

"I'm sorry," she said again. "For some reason I'm just... drawn to her."

Sam flashed a little smile and Jack swallowed the lump in his throat. He was planning to tell her the truth some time during the long weekend at the cabin but he wasn't mentally prepared for the option that the conversation would take place on the first night after their arrival.

"I think it's just... everything that's happened," Sam said and turned to look at Emily. "I always thought my Dad would walk me down the aisle but now he's gone and I'm starting to think all my engagements will just fall apart in the end. And I always imagined how..." Sam stopped to swallow, fighting back tears. "I always imagined he'd be a proud grandpa if I ever had children. But the clock is kinda ticking past that window in my life."

She shrugged, suddenly looking very embarrassed that she was blurting out things like that to her commanding officer in the middle of the night.

"Look..." Jack sighed and put his hand on Sam's elbow, gently steering her towards the couch. "I'm going to tell you something now, then we'll put Emily to bed and then you have my permission to break my nose, all right? Do you agree to this order of events?"

Sam frowned, obviously trying to figure out what he was hiding. "Yes, sir," she finally agreed.

"All right..."

They sat down on the couch and Jack left a little distance between them.

"She's yours," Jack jumped straight to the punchline and Sam's eyes widened. "Asgard interference. Loki was desperate to get his hands on my genes so he had a back-up plan in case the cloning didn't work. He stole my sperm and your eggs."

"But... How... Loki was a long time ago. She's, what? A month?"

"Six weeks."

"Exactly. And who gave birth to her?"

"I did." Jack had to reconsider his thought about what was the punchline of this story. "Well, Asgard style caesarian, in case you're interested. None of the pushing thing."

"Jack," Sam sighed and closed her eyes for a couple of seconds. "Please, start from the beginning."

"All right, sorry. When Loki beamed me up to his ship, he stole some eggs from you and sperm from me and put those together. I don't know if it happened before or after the cloning failed but some time during that whole incident. He was in a hurry and managed to skip about ninety percent of the biology book. He created an artificial uterus and placed that and the embryo in my stomach cavity."

"But she was only born six weeks ago."

"Ah, Thor explained that the cells were in dormant state. The whole... healing pod thing he had to do after Antarctica started the development."

"Antarctica was nine months ago. Was she born early?"

"A little bit but not that much. I was starting to show so Thor came up with a way to hide the last few months of my pregnancy. He put a time dilation field around this place and I spent the last couple of months here. Only a weekend went by for the rest of you."

"That long weekend you took of because of family emergency," Sam mumbled, putting the pieces together in her head.

"Yeah."

It was probably a sign that they had been working in the Stargate program for too long that she didn't think he was joking, even for a second.

"And you're sure she's mine?"

"I think this is the part where I swear I haven't slept with other women, right?"

Sam glared at him, not appreciating his humor.

"Sorry... Loki's notes and the Asgard scanners say Em got half her genes from you. I don't see any reason why Thor would lie about it. He's still in orbit if you want to know more about the technical details. Or he can beam us to infirmary if you need a DNA test to believe it."

Emily just drew the last drops of milk from the bottle and Sam placed it on the coffee table. She simply stared at the baby for a moment before she lifted her up against her shoulder to burp her.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you," Jack said softly.

"Why?"

"Pete," he answered. "You had your life all figured out. I didn't want to ruin your plans."

"You didn't think this was important enough to change those plans? To adjust them at the very least?"

Sam lowered Emily on her lap again. She didn't sound angry. Actually, her voice was unusually flat, void of any emotions whatsoever. Jack didn't know if that was a good thing or a bad thing. She kept her eyes firmly at Emily, the look on her face switching between disbelief and a gentle smile.

"You didn't seem too excited about kids when you showed me Pete's ring."

"I wasn't," Sam whispered. "Not about Pete's kids."

"But mine are a different thing?"

"Apparently, yes."

She seemed genuinely surprised about that realization and Jack's heart jumped to this throat. He hadn't really dared to hope for anything more than a shared custody but those two words lit a spark of hope inside him that perhaps they could actually be a family one day.

"I was also worried about, you know, _custody_. I didn't want to become a weekend Dad." He was fishing and he knew that, but he had to know _something_ about what was going on inside her hear.

"I'd never try to take your kid from you, Jack. Not after everything I know about you."

She sounded honestly hurt that he thought something like that about her.

"Not even when _I_ kept her from _you_?"

"Never," she repeated.

"You're a better person than I ever will be, Sam. For what it's worth, I never planned to keep her from you completely. I just thought you'd rather be the doting aunt without the responsibility. You still have that option. She's not your responsibility, you had nothing to do with bringing her to this world."

"And you did?"

"I made the decision not to abort the pregnancy," he said and saw how Sam swallowed a couple of times when she realized she never would have known if he chose that road.

"I wouldn't have made that decision without you, Sam. But to be honest, the idea of having that conversation with you was scarier than the idea of carrying her to term." It was probably the first time he admitted being _afraid_ of something.

"Are you scared now?" she whispered and turned to look at him briefly.

"Terrified," he admitted after a brief hesitation.

"Well, that makes two of us."

"So..."

"So?"

"Any thoughts? Suggestions? Urges to cause physical harm?"

"My mother died when I was young," Sam said and Jack realized he had completely forgotten that part of her personal history. "I don't want her to grow up without one. But it's gonna take a while before I can actually process this enough to even ask the right questions let alone make suggestions."

"Of course," Jack agreed.

Sam held Emily at arm's length and smiled at the girl, before she gave her to Jack.

"I'm gonna go for a walk," she announced and got up. She walked to the door and picked her jacket that was hanging on the wall near it.

"I know you're angry, Sam," Jack said softly, worried about her calm demeanor.

"You know what's the weirdest part is?" she asked and pulled the door open, then turned to look at Jack. "I'm really not." She stepped outside and closed the door. Jack stared at the door for a moment before he took the empty bottle to the kitchen and then made his way to the master bedroom.

"I think that went pretty well," Jack mumbed to the girl. "Though she might get angry once it really sinks in. But anyway, you've got two parents now. How does it feel?"

Emily simply yawned and swung her fists in front of her a couple of times.

"Yeah, I kinda have to agree about that one," Jack mumbled and lowered the girl into her crib. He took the communication stone and told Thor to keep an eye on Carter and make sure she didn't get lost or wander too far.

* * *

Jack woke up when the mattress dipped next to him. He pried one eye open and saw skin, lots of skin. _Smooth_ skin, so he figured it was Sam, unless Daniel had started shaving his legs. Opening the other eye confirmed the suspicion. She was wearing blue silk boxers and a black tank top, and she had closed the door which probably meant he was in trouble.

"What's wrong, Carter?"

"I'm lactating."

"What?"

"Producing breast milk, sir."

"Please, drop the sir, Carter. And I _know _what lactating means. Just... When? _How? _Hell, I don't even know which question I should ask."

"Last night. After you told me and I went for a walk."

"So, uh... You wanna break my nose now?"

Sam heaved a sigh and covered her face with her hands.

"It's a mess," she mumbled and pulled her hands away.

"Yeah, it is," Jack admitted and sat up. He patted the mattress next to him, silently encouraging Sam to sit more comfortably. To his surprise she got up instead and went to pick up Emily before she sat down on the bed next to Jack.

"What do you want to do?" Jack asked when Sam just sat there, smiling at the sleeping girl, gently stroking her head.

"I promised I wouldn't try to take her from you," she whispered. "And if I start breastfeeding, she needs to stay close to me."

"Or you need to stay close to us," Jack said.

"Sir?"

"I have a guest room," he suggested, not really sure if it was a good idea or not. But he didn't want them to become like divorced parents, tossing the kid from one home to another once a week. "I don't know what you want, Sam," he said softly. "But I think you should have as big a part in her life as you want. We can figure out the rest as we go."

"Is Thor still in orbit?"

"Yeah."

"Can you contact him? I'd like a ride to the infirmary."

"Why?"

"To figure out if the milk is even safe for Emily."

"Right, of course."

"Can you cover for me? I don't want to tell Daniel and Teal'c just yet, I want to wrap my own head around it first."

"Yeah."

* * *

"Is Sam still sleeping?" Daniel asked when Jack made his way to the dock with the fishing equipment and a baby monitor.

Jack had explained that he woke up early and Sam had slept poorly on the couch so he offered her his bed so she could catch a few hours of sleep.

"She's taking a long bath." It was almost eleven already, there was no way Sam would have slept that long.

"So she gets to stay inside while we're out here, being eaten alive?" Daniel slapped his neck though Jack was pretty sure there wasn't a mosquito there, especially because Teal'c had practically bathed in the bug repellant and was standing right next to Daniel.

For a brief moment Jack was tempted to say something about how he'd get to do whatever he wants the next time he calls off his engagement and loses his dad within two days but that would have been cruel.

"You're free to go inside, Daniel," he said instead. "I brought you here to relax, not to torture you. I _like_ fishing. If you don't... go do something that makes you happy." He gestured towards the cabin and set out his chair on the dock. "You too, Teal'c." He nodded but didn't move.

"Really?" the archaeologist asked.

"Yeah, sure. Just... no working."

"Working makes me happy, Jack."

"Well I'm sorry but no working allowed at the cabin, Daniel. That's been the rule for the last sixty years, before I was _born_, and I'm not going to let you break that. You're allowed to do anything _else_, just no working."

"Do astrophysics books count as working?" Sam asked as she made her way out of the cabin, carrying Emily and a book that seemed to weigh more than the girl.

"Only if you take notes."

"Good. She seemed hungry so I fed her," Sam said as she gave Em to Jack. The happy glow on her face made Jack think it hadn't been formula this time.

"Did she eat all right?" he asked, trying to act nonchalant.

"Yeah, just fine." Sam smiled and spread a blanket on the ground in the shadow of the tree, then got settled on her side and opened the book like it was a light novel she couldn't wait to finish.

"Would you like some slobbery palm prints on your book?" Jack asked. "I don't want to take her on the dock."

"Sure."

Her smile was a lot closer to her usual grins, much to Jack's relief.

Daniel disappeared inside but soon came back with an equally large book about some dead language or another and got settled on the blanket next to Sam and Emily. Teal'c moved his chair so that he was keeping watch near the three and Jack got settled on the doc with his fishing gear. It was going to be a great day.

* * *

**A/N: **Thank you for reading. There should be one chapter after this one and then an epilogue.


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: **All recognizable characters and settings are property of their lawful owners. This story is written for entertainment purposes only and no profit is made. No copyright infringement intended.

**A/N:** Like you can see, "finished before Christmas" didn't happen. That's partially my fault and partially because of ffnet's technical problems.

This is a long chapter, though. I hope that makes up for the long wait.

Thank you for reading the story! This is the last official chapter but I just finished typing a silly little epilogue that you should get tomorrow unless something surprising happens.

* * *

**CHAPTER 8**

"Carter," Jack whispered, trying to sneak into the living room as quietly as possible so that Daniel and Teal'c wouldn't wake up. They had managed to hide Emily's parentage and the breastfeeding from their friends so far but he was sure they were starting to suspect something.

"Hmm?"

"Your daughter is hungry."

"I didn't really remember this part when I decided to breastfeed," she mumbled and sat up, her hair pointing in all possible directions, and reached out to take the girl.

"I can just give her formula at nights."

"No, it's OK," Sam mumbled and lifted her tank top. Jack quickly looked the other way but not before getting an eyeful. "I feel like I'm carrying two water balloons anyway."

"Uh... Can you just... bring her to me when she's done?" They looked beautiful together, Sam and Emily, but Jack felt like an outsider in a private moment and didn't want to linger.

"Yeah, of course."

"Thanks."

When Jack woke up the next morning, Emily was lying on top of the covers next to him, but so was Sam, much to his amusement. She was slumped on her stomach, one hand under her cheek, drooling a little. Em was awake and looking curiously around without making a sound. Jack gently lifted her to his chest and placed a kiss on top of the girl's head.

"I guess Mommy was a little tired last night," he whispered to the girl.

"Mommy still is," Sam mumbled and Jack chuckled.

"Just keep sleeping, I'll go cook some breakfast."

* * *

"Uh, Jack?"

"Yes, Daniel?"

"I think I just walked in on Sam breastfeeding Emily."

"And?"

"Uh, just... _why?_"

"Oh, I don't know, Daniel. Probably because you still haven't grasped the concept of knocking. You're supposed to knock, wait for a permission to enter and _then_ open the door."

"Jack!" Daniel whined.

"Look..." Jack sighed. "It's bit of a long story, OK? Let's wait until they're done and we'll explain it all."

"We're here," Sam said as she stepped into the living room, carrying Emily. Teal'c was walking behind her and they all got settled around the living room, the family sitting on the couch and the other two in the armchairs.

"What has transpired?" Teal'c asked when nobody said anything for a while. Sam and Jack were trying to silently communicate to each other and figure out where to start. Finally Sam nodded and Jack took a deep breath before he turned to look at their friends.

"Once upon a time there was an evil Asgard scientist, called Loki..."

"Not evil," Sam interrupted. "Perhaps a little misguided."

"Do you want me to tell the story or not?"

"Go ahead, sir."

"Right. So once upon a time there was an Asgard scientist named Loki..." he started again.

Sam added some details every now and then but mostly she let Jack do the talking. When the story was finished, both Daniel and Teal'c were staring at him with blank expressions.

"You didn't _tell_ her?" Daniel finally said, or more like yelped, voice breaking a little.

"I was getting married, Daniel," Sam defended him, much to Jack's surprise.

"So, what... You're _glad_ he didn't tell you?"

"No." She shook her head. "But I probably would have done the same thing."

Jack tried to swallow the lump in his throat when he imagined that scenario.

"Congratulations, ColonelCarter," Teal'c joined the conversation and a wide smile spread on Sam's face.

"Thank you, Teal'c."

"Yes," Daniel agreed. "Congratulations."

"Thank you," both parents replied.

"So, uh... What happens next?"

"I'm going to retire," Jack confessed. "That's about all I know for now."

"Sir?" "You are?" "Are you certain, O'Neill?"

"Yeah. It's not official yet because they need to find me a replacement but yes. I was thinking of being a stay-at-home-dad. Of course that depends on how we'll sort out the whole... living arrangements."

"We need to talk about that later," Sam agreed.

* * *

"Do you have a moment, sir?" Sam asked. It was late the next night, or more like early the next morning.

"Of course," Jack said and turned to smile at her. Sam closed the front door behind her and sat down on the stairs next to him. He had been sitting outside for a while already, holding sleeping Emily in his arms. It was selfish, but he had missed having the girl to himself.

He had woken up to change Emily's diaper and decided to head out to watch the sunrise with her instead of going back to sleep, despite the fact that all three of them had slept in the same bed again.

"And please, drop the sir. I think we're past that now." He nodded towards the sleeping girl.

"I'll try," she promised. "It was just a slip of the tongue, comes automatically."

"I know. What did you want to talk about?"

"All those things we have ignored so far."

"Ah... A long chat then, huh?"

"Sir..."

"Sorry," he winced. "The bad humor comes automatically as well. Any starting point in mind?"

"If Pete hadn't been part of the picture when you found out... What would have happened?"

"Dive straight into the deep end, would ya..." Jack mumbled. "I would have told you." No reason to lie about it, really.

"So Pete was the only reason why you kept it a secret?"

"Pete, and the fact that you gave the impression you didn't want kids. And, if I'm completely honest, hormonal mood swings might have played a part as well."

"So it had nothing to do with... us?"

"Us?"

"With how you feel – or don't feel – about me."

"I don't think this is the time for that conversation, Sam," he said, his voice soft and a little hesitant. She had called off her engagement a couple of weeks earlier, Jack didn't feel like it was the right time to talk about possible relationship between them.

"I need to know," Sam said firmly. "It doesn't have to change anything but... I need to know."

Jack was silent for a moment, trying to find the right words. She had the right to know, she was right about that. He had nothing to lose, really. Might as well blurt out all the secrets he had fought so hard to keep the last few months.

"I never stopped... caring about you," he admitted. "But whether that played role in my decision or not... It's hard to say." He shrugged, not really knowing what to say. "It might have affected my choices but I wasn't aware of it." It was probably a big factor in why he was so upset about the thought of Pete being a part of the kid's life.

"I called off the wedding because I realized I'm still in love with you and Pete deserves someone who has her whole heart in the relationship."

Jack sucked in a breath, shocked about her blunt words.

"Okay," he finally said with a nod.

"Okay?"

"Yeah."

They had set an honest baseline, he realized. Something to start building up from, when the time came. But it wasn't then, they both knew that.

"I'm sorry you had to go through the pregnancy alone," Sam apologized.

"I had Thor," Jack said with a little shrug. "He gives mean foot massages. If you ever get pregnant, keep that in mind."

"About that..."

Jack turned to look at her, alarmed. "You're not pregnant, right?" He didn't know which option was worse, an alien messing with her body as well as his, or that it was Pete's. He was pretty sure he wouldn't survive the latter option.

"No! God, no. No." Sam shook her head vigorously. "But I talked with Thor. There are five more embryos, Jack."

"What?"

"You kept saying Loki took your sperm and my _eggs,_ plural. So I... asked. Loki made six embryos. Emily plus five. Thor rescued them from his laboratory, among other samples, before it was destroyed."

Jack stared at her and blinked a couple of times, trying to process the information.

"And what do you... want to do with them?"

"I'd like to keep them, Jack," she admitted. "For... possible future use. But it depends on how you feel about it."

"Well, six _would _make a hockey team," he said with a crooked smile and Sam snorted.

"I'm not giving birth to five kids, Jack."

"You don't have to. Three for you, three for me. Well, only two more for me. I believe it's called equality."

Sam chuckled a little and her posture finally relaxed. "So we're really doing this family thing?" she asked and turned to look at him again.

"There's nothing I'd want more than have a family with you, Sam," he answered honestly. "But let's... take it slow, OK? It's been a crazy month."

"You can say that again," she sighed.

"Come on," Jack said and took her hand. "Let's go cook some breakfast before the boys wake up."

* * *

"It's a good thing you didn't have time to get that exercise bike yet," Daniel said when they were painting the walls of the old office, future nursery, two weeks after they came back from the cabin.

They had already re-decorated the guest room for Sam the previous weekend but there hadn't been any painting, just new furniture and textiles. Cassie had been playing decorator then and had insisted to take part of this project as well. So far she hadn't caused too much damage.

"I have to confess I lied about that plan," Jack admitted.

"Huh?"

"I believe he already knew about EmilyO'Neill at that time, DanielJackson."

"You did?"

"He was almost six months pregnant, Daniel," Sam kindly did the math for him.

"Really? You didn't look pregnant."

"Oh, I did later on," Jack muttered.

"I still can't believe you carried a baby," Cassie commented. "Wait, do you have stretch marks?"

"Sure do, kiddo."

"Can I see?"

"Nope." He added some paint to the roller and got back to painting the rear wall. The room would be light yellow in color, quite neutral. So they could use it for the next kid as well, no matter which gender that one turned out to be. They hadn't had a _serious_ conversation about those five remaining embryos but neither of them wanted those to be destroyed and Jack was quite optimistic they'd get at least one more kid unless they managed to blow the whole thing and stopped talking to each other. It seemed unlikely, though, because living with Sam was pretty awesome so far.

"Come on," Cassie whined. "I won't tell anyone. Just show me. We can go to..." The girl stopped and looked around, trying to find a private spot. "To the closet! We can go to the walk-in-closet so no one else will see."

"You're a little too young to drag boys to small enclosed spaces," Jack commented.

"Oh ha-ha, Jack," the girl said, followed by an eye roll. "Besides, I'm legally an adult nowadays, in case you've forgotten."

"Perhaps, but I remember telling you no dating before thirty, yes?"

"Jack," Daniel joined the conversation. "She's been dating since she was fifteen."

"See?" Cassie yelped. "Daniel trusts me."

"Oh, I trust _you, _Cassie," Jack quickly corrected. "I just don't trust _boys._"

"So I should start dating girls? Is that what you're saying?"

"Well if you lean that way, sure," he said with a little shrug. "As long as you're happy. And as long as you introduce them to us."

"I know," Cassie said and stopped painting for a moment just to plant a kiss on Jack's cheek. "You guys are cool like that. And I might be bringing a boy home for Thanksgiving if you promise not to scare him with your overprotective dad routine."

"We make no such promises," Teal'c announced.

"Is it enough if we promise we won't scare him _too much?_" Jack asked.

Cassie chuckled and shook her head. "Wait, how did we even end up in this topic?" she asked all of a sudden, a frown on her face.

"I believe you requested to see the scarring on O'Neill's abdomen," Teal'c kindly reminded the girl.

"Right!" Cassie yelped and turned to look at Jack with a wide grin on her face.

"The only one who gets to see my stretch marks is Carter," Jack announced.

"Why me, sir?"

She usually called him Jack nowadays but she often slipped back to the old title when they were all gathered in the same place.

"Because I got them while carrying _your_ kid so it's half your fault and therefore you are not allowed to mock me."

"Logical," she agreed.

Cassie snickered and the adults turned to look at her. "I bet if she has you shirtless in front of her, she'll be busy with other things. No time for mocking anyway."

"Cassie!" Sam yelped, suddenly blushing wildly.

"Oh, come on," Jack sighed. "Carter has seen me shirtless plenty of times over the last few weeks."

To his surprise, she blushed harder. Interesting, Jack thought.

"I think Emily is hungry," Sam blurted and headed to the doorway.

"I believe the baby monitor did not make a sound," Teal'c said.

"Yeah, well," Sam mumbled and wiped her hands to her jeans. "I think I'll go check on her anyway."

"Why did I spend hours last weekend trying to make Sam's room and bed pretty when she'll just end up in yours, huh?" Cassie asked and raised a curious eyebrow at Jack.

"How about we make a deal, Cassie? I stay out of your lovelife and you stay out of mine?"

She did have a point, though. They slept in the same bed, all three of them. They were a family, but the two of them didn't exactly fit the definition of lovers, yet. There were hugs and chaste kisses, lots of both, but nothing more than that. It was important for both of them that Sam had a place in the house that was _hers_, even if she didn't sleep there. But Jack wasn't going to explain all that to Cassie because it was none of her business.

"Oh, so it's love now?"

"CassandraFraiser," Teal'c said firmly and for a moment Jack was sure he would admonish the girl. "I believe it always has been," he said instead and Jack rolled his eyes, especially when Daniel agreed with an absentminded comment while he read the instructions how to put together the drawer.

* * *

"Hey," Sam whispered when Jack stepped into Emily's room.

She was nursing the baby in the rocking chair near the window and Jack slowly made his way there, through the room, admiring the bright colors that now filled the space. The walls were quite neutral but the drawer had orange, pink, turquoise and green in it, the floor was covered in a multicolored carpet and the curtains had colorful animals on them. It was a great room for a little girl.

"I..." Jack started and glanced at the frame he was carrying. "I think this belongs here." He tapped at the frame but kept it turned so that Sam couldn't see the picture. "I realize I should have told you sooner but to be honest I forgot."

Sam raised her eyebrows and Jack could see she was suddenly nervous.

"I told Jacob about Emily," he admitted and gave the picture to Sam. She was holding Emily with one hand but took the frame in the other one and stared at it with a blank look on her face.

"When?"

"That last day." Jack was sure it was obvious from the picture, taken at the SGC infirmary. Jacob looked exhausted but happy as he held Emily in his arms. He had two pictures. In one of them he looked into the camera, smiling, and in this one he was looking at Emily.

"He knew?"

"That he was holding his granddaughter? Yeah, he did. I told him everything. And I promised him I'd tell you before the wedding."

The wedding that never happened, thank God.

"Thank you," Sam whispered, tears in her eyes but a smile on her lips. She lowered the frame on top of the dresser with all the other pictures of their team and friends.

"Always, Sam."

He really meant that. If there was anything he could do to make her smile, to make her losses a little more bearable, he would do it in a heartbeat.

"I love you, Sam." He realized he probably hadn't said those words out loud before but they felt natural leaving his lips that moment.

"I love you, too," Sam replied, her smile widening into a grin and the first tear escaped her eye, rolling down her cheek where Jack gently dried it with his thumb.

"And I love our family," Sam continued.

Jack wondered if the Asgard prisoners could get mail because he really wanted to write that Loki-guy a thank you letter.

* * *

**A/N:** Thank you for reading. And merry christmas, a little late. :)


	9. Epilogue

**Disclaimer: **All recognizable characters and settings are property of their lawful owners. This story is written for entertainment purposes only and no profit is made. No copyright infringement intended.

**A/N:** Thank you for joining me on this weird ride! This is the last part of this odd little fic that was supposed to be a silly little thing but stretched out to be a real fic instead.

* * *

**EPILOGUE:**

"Tell me once again why we did this?" Jack groaned as he slowly lowered himself on the couch.

"I'd like to remind you that we didn't plan this," Sam said for the umpteenth time and sat down as well, just as slowly and carefully as Jack had. "But it looked like the embryo Thor put in me didn't start to grow so you offered to carry the next kid, too. Remember? Something about Loki probably making changes so that it only worked on males? Sound familiar, Einstein?" She punched him on the shoulder, surprisingly hard.

"Hey!" Jack yelped. "How was I gonna know, huh? You had yours for like four weeks and there was no change in anything. Are you seriously telling me that I should have thought you're pregnant despite the fact that all the seventeen pregnancy tests plus the Asgard scanners said you're not?"

"For the record, Asgard scanners were _inconclusive._ And what I'm _saying_ is that you have no right to complain about this because it was your idea."

"Come on, Sam. Complaining is what I do!"

"You've been through this before," Sam reminded and tried to find a more comfortable position on the couch. "But I'm pregnant for the first time. I'm freaking out and you're not much of a help, Jack."

"I know," Jack sighed and closed his eyes for a moment. "I'm sorry. What do you need?"

"A foot massage would be nice," Sam admitted.

"That I _can_ do," Jack announced with a wide grin. "C'mere."

"Actually..."

"Ah-ah! That's your genius face, Carter. It usually means trouble."

"Not in this case, I promise. Come on, let's go to bed."

"Bed? I mean, not that I don't _want _to, but I haven't been able to _see_ my... manly parts for weeks now and I'm sure I've forgotten how they even work."

"No sex. Just foot massage. Come on, trust me on this one."

"Hell, I trust you on anything. You know that."

It took a while but eventually they managed to get up and make their way to bedroom. Getting settled on the bed took even longer but finally they were lying on their sides, heads pointing in opposite directions.

"Think of it as a foot massage sixty-nine," Sam explained. The angle wasn't ideal but this way they could both get a massage at the same time. She pulled off Jack's socks and started massaging the sore feet gently.

"Oh, God," Jack moaned. "I knew you were a genius."

Sam chuckled and kept going but she had to stop to moan when Jack's calloused fingers started caressing her own feet. "I have to agree on that one," she managed to sigh.

* * *

"They look cool," Jack commented when he walked in on Sam standing in front of a full body mirror in her underwear, tracing the stretch marks on her abdomen. When she heard his voice, she automatically wrapped her arms around herself, trying to cover as much skin as possible.

"You want me to leave?" Jack asked, sensing her discomfort. "Or compare scars?"

She chuckled a little but slowly let her arms fall to her sides again so Jack assumed she didn't mind his presence. Or at least was doing her best not to mind. He tossed his T-shirt on the bed before he stepped next to Sam in front of the mirror doors of their wardrobe.

"Yours look like flames," he commented, looking into the mirror. "Mine are just... plain stripes."

"Tiger," Sam offered. "You're a tiger and I'm a... I don't know. Something that burns. A log?"

"Phoenix," Jack offered. "Tiger and Phoenix."

"Mine are angry red and yours are just pale and white. It's not fair."

"These are Emily's marks," he explained. "I haven't gotten any from this fella yet. But last time it happened in the very end, too. Can I touch them?"

Sam raised here eyebrows, surprised about the question.

"Just curious," Jack said with a shrug.

"Sure. If you want to touch my scars, I won't stop you."

Jack started to slowly trace the red marks with his fingertips, caressing the sensitive skin. Sam's eyes were suddenly filled with tears and she wiped them away, cursing about pregnancy hormones under her breath. Jack pulled her into a hug or as close to a hug as they managed to reach with both of them over almost eight months pregnant. The baby bumps were pressed together and Jack could feel the kids kicking or punching each other.

"I think they're high-fiving," he whispered in Sam's ear and she burst into giggles.

"It's kinda nice going through this together," she admitted.

* * *

"What's with the shirts?"

"Cassie!" Sam yelped and raised her gaze from her book. "And Emily! Everything alright?" Her first reflex was to jump up but it simply wasn't possible anymore.

"Yeah, we're fine. Thor just... had his quota of babysitting for the day."

"Unca Tor!" Em yelled and started babbling incoherently, obviously very exited about something. Sam glanced at Cassie for translation because the girl probably had some sort of idea about what had happened.

"Did something blow up again?" Jack mumbled, sounding half asleep.

"Kinda," Cassie admitted. "Don't worry about it, guys. He's got it under control. He just needs a moment to fix... everything."

"Cass?"

"Geez, you guys look _pregnant,_" the teenager discreetly changed the subject.

"Well we _are_ over eight months in now, Cass," Jack reminded. In embryo development that was. They hadn't been pregnant for the same time but the kids were developing at different rates and would be born around the same time.

Jack tried to get a more comfortable position on the couch and gestured for Cassie to come closer. The girl sat down between them, holding Emily who immediately reached to plant slobbery kisses on her parents' cheeks.

"Well you were about six when I last saw you, about two hours ago."

"Right," Sam sighed, a little frown on her face. "I kinda forgot that." They had tweaked the settings in the device so that Emily wouldn't be bothered by their absence. Now the last couple of months of pregnancy, for both of them, were fitted into mere hours outside the field.

"Yes. Time dilation field is a funny thing. Now, _what's with the shirts?_"

"You like?" Jack asked and straightened the black T-shirt that was tightly stretched around his bump.

_BUN IN THE OVEN_, it announced with big, bold letters. Sam was wearing an identical one.

"God, I wish I could take a picture of you two," Cassie chuckled.

"Sure you can," Sam said. "We can always claim Jack has a pillow inside his shirt. I don't think one picture will reveal to the world that we're splitting the baby carrying duty in this family."

* * *

"I do not understand the purpose of this," Thor stated once again as Sam gritted her teeth and grimaced her way through the contraction. She didn't scream but she was red and sweaty and obviously in pain.

"This is how it's usually done," Jack said and flexed his fingers, checking that Sam hadn't broken any of them with her fierce grip.

"It appears to be a painful and exhausting process."

"It is," Doctor Lam agreed. "But Sam chose to do this the natural way."

"I am willing to assist should you change your mind, Colonel Carter."

"Thanks, Thor," she sighed.

The reason why the gray alien was even present at the time was that he would be delivering Jack's baby as soon as Sam had managed to push hers out. The babies had developed at different rate, apparently because of Loki's built-in safety mechanisms. Sam's body was more prepared for pregnancy and therefore the baby grew up at a slower pace and ended up bigger whereas Jack got the fastforwarded option again. But both kids were ready to be born now and would be introduced to most of the world as twins.

"You're fully dilated," doctor Lam announced. "You can start pushing on next contraction."

"Oh, great," Sam groaned and reached for Jack's hand. With a little wince he offered it to her, mentally preparing to be wearing a cast at the end of the day.

* * *

"Half a hockey team," Jack mumbled as he watched the kids nurse for the first time. Jake, the one Jack had carried to term, was tiny compared to his sister, Grace, but he appeared more energetic. Probably because he got the easy way out of the uterus, just like Emily had.

"I think I'll let you carry the next three to term," Sam mumbled, still exhausted from the birth.

"If you agree to give me foot massages and bring ice cream, I might even agree to that."

"Mama?" a soft voice came from the doorway and the adults turned to look at Emily who had pushed the door open a couple of inches and was now trying to find her parents with her gaze.

"In here, honey," Sam replied.

"Mama!"

Em pushed the door open and ran to the bed.

"Hey," Jack yelped and grabbed a hold of the girl when she tried to climb on the bed, using the side table as a ladder. "Easy, there. Mom is right here, see?"

"Unca Dee Mama boom!" The girl made a gesture that probably meant explosion and Jack raised his eyebrows.

"Yeah," Daniel said from the doorway. "I kinda said Sam popped."

"Boom!" Em repeated.

"Bad choice of words," Daniel apologized with a little grimace. Jack gestured for him and Teal'c to come inside but focused his attention on Emily. They were all used to Sam breastfeeding during team nights back when Emily had been a baby so it was no reason to turn them away.

"Dada boom?" Em asked and poked at her father's stomach that was still trying to adjust to the lack of a kid inside it.

"No boom, Emily," Jack explained and kissed the girl's forehead. "But the baby is out now, they both are. See?" He nodded towards the twins that Sam was nursing. "Meet your baby brother Jacob and your little sister Grace."

The girl tried to repeat the names but failed, then turned to look at her father with a deep frown, obviously upset that they had picked names she couldn't say.

"I'm sure we can come up with nicknames for them, Em. Just like all your aunts and uncles."

The girl nodded, pleased with the plan.

"Pitty," Em sighed and reached out to stroke Grace's head.

"Yes, she's pretty," Jack agreed. "They both are."

"Congratulations, FamilyO'Neill," Teal'c said.

"Someone's been gossiping," Jack said and raised his eyebrows.

"CassandraFraiser was too excited to keep your secret, O'Neill."

"Of course she was," Jack said with a little eye roll. They had gotten married in Vegas, a week before Thor put them inside the time dilation field, when they were visiting Cassie on the west coast. It had been a spur of a moment kind of thing and he felt a bit bad that they hadn't involved their friends in the ceremony.

"We're planning to have a reception later on," Sam commented from the bed.

"Don't worry about it," Daniel said and waved away their worry. "I'm happy for you. Congratulations, on the kids and the marriage."

"I am afraid we have no gifts for you, O'Neills."

"Oh, taking care of Em is more than enough," Jack reassured them. "She can be quite a handful." The men had promised to look after Emily for the next night so that Jack could stay at the infirmary with Sam and the babies.

Emily frowned and looked at her hands, confused about the adults talking about her.

"She is not a trouble, O'Neill," Teal'c said.

"Am!" Emily yelped, disagreeing with his words. "Dada big 'rouble, Em little 'rouble."

"Ah," Sam sighed. "I might have said that a time or two," she admitted and Emily grinned.

"Me 'rouble unca T!"

The big man raised his eyebrow and tilted his head to the side a little, considering his next action. "Perhaps you are, EmilyO'Neill. But only a little one."

The girl was literally beaming and all the adults chuckled at her excitement.

Their family was pretty awesome, Jack admitted.

* * *

**A/N:** Thank you for reading! That's it with this story. I'm glad so many of you joined me on this ride and thank you for all the encouraging words.

I'm hoping to drag you out of your comfort zones in the future as well. (I actually have a list of fics you think you don't want to read and I'm planning to write them all sooner or later.)

One more time, THANK YOU! You guys are awesome.


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